Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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