but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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