When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
