eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
