We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
