sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
