Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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