The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
