halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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