Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize