I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
