Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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