so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
