I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I bet he comes in French.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
