at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
