tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
