Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
