i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
