I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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