you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize