I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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