Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your penis caused this!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
