Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
