We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
