i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i permit you to call me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
