You just made me feel so damn special
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
