i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
