there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
