just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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