i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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