OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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