don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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