how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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