I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
