I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
