I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
