I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize