Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
