just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
