As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My penis needs a shock collar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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