I am spending my child support on dildos
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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