Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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