Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
