Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
