while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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