3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
