I want to make a zoo with you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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