apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My feet surprised me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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