I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
