His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
