God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
