If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
