I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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