sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
