Michael Bay diarrhea
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
