can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
