do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
