NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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