Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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