he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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