That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
