If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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