Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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