so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
