Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
vagina is talking i cant
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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