sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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